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(part 2)

So Kurt gave him the broad outline of ‘the plan’ when they met up the next day: still refusing to give him details and telling him that ‘they’ll be a surprise’ which had echoed Santana’s words too closely for comfort. Puck preferred to know what was coming with his surprises.

Though it appeared that what would be ‘coming’ in this surprise was Puck. In a great variety of surprising ways.

Because what came then was a whole week of what Kurt described (with a blush) as ‘taking it slow and getting you used to ass play’ and what Puck described as a week long campaign of torture as payback for past sins. Of course, he only described it like that secretly in his head because if he said it out loud there was the horrible possibility that Kurt might stop.

It was also a week of Puck discovering just how hard it was to concentrate and function normally when all of your blood was continually getting diverted from your brain to either your face or your dick.

Puck had never been so relentlessly hard or blushed so much in his life. Both from the same cause – remembering whatever it was Kurt had been doing to him the night before.

He got the first warning of how much trouble he was in on Monday morning, watching Kurt’s hands as he wrote an answer up on the board in math class; one set of long fingers delicately curled around the chalk, the other swooping around in eloquent, lazy circles as he ran through the workings of the calculation.

Puck knew his boyfriend didn’t even know he was doing it. But it didn’t matter if Kurt was calling attention to his hands deliberately or not, all Puck could do was look at those long, elegant fingers and think ‘I had those inside me yesterday’ and then he had to duck his head to hide the flaring of his cheeks and hope like hell he didn’t get called up for the next question, otherwise walking was going to be a problem.

* * *

But back on Saturday Puck had woken up without the nerves from last night. He’d been feeling laid back and in control again because – hey! He was the Puckzilla: nothing fazed him, especially not sex.

So he’d had a leisurely shower and bounced into the kitchen to peck his mom on the cheek and grab some toast off Sara’s plate and then tease her while he ate it till she lost it and tried to pummel him in the stomach, which made him laugh and grab her and tickle her till she got hiccups. Then he said cheerfully that he was going over to Kurt’s and left his sister scowling and saying ‘I *hic* hate *hic* you, Noah!’ and his mom handing her a glass of water and saying absentmindedly ‘Don’t be silly, of course you don’t. Now, I think you’re meant to drink from the side…’

And Puck had been singing along happily with the Pantera song that come on the radio in his truck as he drove along and whistling as he jumped out and jogged up to the Hummel’s front door and when Kurt opened the door Puck had given into his sudden impulse and grabbed hold of him, bent him backwards in ‘romantic black and white movie’ style dip and done his level best to remove Kurt’s tonsils with his tongue.

He heard a ‘Dude, please! Can you not mack on my brother when I’m eating breakfast?’ and a dry ‘Puckerman, you wanna let go of my son now?’ but when he stopped and helped Kurt upright again Finn was trying to hide a smile behind his glass of juice and although Burt had his eyebrows raised there was a gleam of humour in his eyes. Carole didn’t even bother hiding her grin and gave him thumbs up from behind Burt’s back. And it didn’t matter what they thought anyway – not when he was having to hold onto Kurt’s elbow because he wasn’t quite steady yet, and when his eyes were a little glazed and his hair was all mussed up liked that.

Kurt raised a slightly trembling hand to smooth back his fringe and said with an attempt at archness “Well… that was a hello and a half!” and Puck grinned and said “Yeah, I’m in a good mood this morning” adding out of the corner of his mouth as he passed Kurt “Wasn’t that part of the plan?”

He heard Kurt stumble behind him and was laughing to himself as he stepped forward to bump fists with Finn.

* * *

He wasn’t laughing quite so much later on when he was down in Kurt’s room. The tiniest fluttering of nerves had come back when Kurt locked the door behind them because ‘if my dad ever sees this stuff I will have a heart attack and die and then I’ll never get to star on Broadway and that’ll be a tragedy’ and Puck’s stomach had actually given a bit of a lurch when Kurt said ‘here, I’ve hidden it all under my bed’ and got down on the floor to pull a box out from under his Queen size, because fuck! That was a pretty fucking large box.

“Dude, did you like, buy out the whole store?!”

Kurt blinked up at him and asked “What?” and Puck really wished his boyfriend wasn’t on his knees in a suggestive position in front of what was presumably a whole box of sex stuff, because it was giving his dick ideas and his brain was still stuck in ‘that’s a REALLY big fucking box’ mode.

“Did you get one of everything in the sex supermarket or something? That box is like, four foot long! What the fuck have you got in there?!”

And perhaps Kurt noticed the higher-than-usual note of Puck’s voice, or the way his eyes were probably showing more white than usual because he said “Hey, hey…” and got up to wrap his arms around him. “It’s ok, honestly. I didn’t get anything scary – don’t worry. I just thought I might as well stock up – it’s a large store and they had a huge selection of stuff like lube and I figured while I was there…”

He gave Puck a soft kiss and stepped back, then wrinkled his nose cutely “Besides, most of the space’s taken up with packaging. You know what it’s like – they put things in these bulky display packs that are harder to get into than Fort Knox” he sighed “You wouldn’t believe the trouble I had sneaking all of this stuff past my dad”

Puck blanched at the thought of what Burt Hummel would have done if he’d found his baby boy laden down with a metric tonne of shit from a sex store. And who (Puck) he’d do it to.

Suddenly, whatever was in the box didn’t seem as scary compared to that.

He took a surreptitious deep breath and asked casually “So, you gonna show me what’s in the magic box, Houdini?”

Kurt looked at him thoughtfully and said “Mmm… No, actually”

Before Puck could protest he waved a hand and said airily “Not just yet, anyway. A gradual reveal is always sexier than an immediate full frontal stripping and besides; some of them are surprises for later. But for right now…” he quickly bent and snuck something from the box, standing up again to wave a tube of lube and a little spray bottle at Puck and add with a grin “…speaking of stripping: take your pants off, sweetie – I’m going to suck your dick”

How could Puck say no to an offer like that?

He couldn’t, of course – it probably went against the unspoken teenage boy solidarity that when it was so hard to get laid, you didn’t turn down an offer to get off. Besides, he didn’t want to.

So he ended up lying down on Kurt’s bed (minus his shirt as well as his pants, with Kurt similarly un-attired), on his back with Kurt scooted down between his legs licking and sucking wet patterns onto Puck’s hipbones and with Puck’s dick starting to get very interested indeed in the proceedings. Kurt gave that a couple of fast little cat-laps as well and then very slowly and deliberately wrapped his lips around the head.

Puck was getting completely into it now and the feel of Kurt’s hot mouth and the tiny catch of his teeth under the lip of the head made him groan deep in his chest – so loud that he almost didn’t hear the ‘snick’ as the cap of the lube was flicked open, but he did. And before he could properly process what that meant Kurt’s hand was between his legs and wet fingers were just there on that bit of skin that separated his balls from his ass.

And Puck’s pulse gave a jump and he kinda wanted to say ‘Whoa, stop!’ even though this was what he’d asked for and what there’d been so much trouble over. He didn’t say that, of course, because he wasn’t a pussy, but some panicked part of him wanted Kurt to notice and pull back and insist that they didn’t have to do this; that it was ok if they just stopped and Kurt never, ever went near Puck’s ass ever again.

But to his slight surprise Kurt didn’t say that. Sure, he noticed Puck was weirded out (the sucked in breath and the tense muscles were a clue he wasn’t going to miss, after all) but instead of being all ‘omg! I’ll stop’ he’d just paused and pulled his mouth off – but with his hand still there – and looked up and said, gently but firmly, “It’s ok, Noah. I’m only going to touch you tonight. Don’t worry, you’ll like it”, before lowering his head back down and sucking Puck’s cock back into his mouth.

And Puck had liked it. Had relaxed and enjoyed the way the firm press and rub of Kurt’s knuckles just behind his balls sent little twinges of extra pleasure up his dick and made him even harder, and the way Kurt’s slick finger lightly swirled around his ass at the same time his tongue was swirling around Puck’s cockhead.

It was just that the odd, twitchy, tickling sensation Kurt’s softly circling finger around his hole had given him made Puck feel a bit… unsettled afterward. Almost like there’d been something wrong with his orgasm.

It wasn’t that it had been unsatisfying – like the saying went; a blowjob’s like pizza, even when it’s not great, it’s still pizza – and this blowjob had been pretty fucking spectacular because Kurt had been trying out one of the other things he’d gotten at the sex supermarket (‘Stop calling it that, Noah. Now I can only think of someone saying over a tannoy “Clean up on aisle four” accompanied by horrific mental images of why the cleaner’s needed!’) – the little spray bottle which turned out to be for Kurt’s use; a numbing throat spray thing that meant he could get further down on Puck’s dick than he’d ever managed before. Puck had actually felt Kurt’s throat squeeze around the head of his cock when Kurt swallowed, and had as a result come so hard he thought for a moment he’d strained something.

So, no. Definitely not unsatisfying. Just… like there was something missing.

Like it would have been even better if Kurt had put his finger in Puck’s ass.

* * *

The next day – Sunday – Puck had gone round and spent most of the day helping Kurt and his dad finish off the ground level extension that was getting built onto the back of the Hummel house, with Finn also ‘helping’.

‘Help’ which mostly consisted of him getting told to carry things and hold things in place and fetch them sodas and being shouted out if he tried to touch or even breath near any of the tools because there had been an unspoken understanding between Puck, Kurt and Burt at the start that if any of them were to get out of this day alive and with the extension – hell, the house – still standing, then Finn should not be allowed to operate any machinery more complicated than a drinks tray.

They’d had a cook out dinner after they finished up for the day – the three of them gazing with pride at the extension as they ate – and then Kurt had insisted Puck shower before going home because ‘You’re too filthy to even be allowed into that wheeled collection of fast food wrappers and junk you call a truck’, and ‘Besides, sawdust coated plaster with accents of spackle is *such* a last year look and I’m not having people see my boyfriend looking like that’ and Puck would have protested the slur against his baby (you did not diss a man’s vehicle after all) but Kurt had added that he could clean up in his bathroom downstairs and Puck knew what that really meant.

So did Mr Hummel, judging by the narrow look he shot both of them but he didn’t say anything – just grunted agreement and called out ‘I think there’s some spare stuff of yours that Carole washed and put down in Kurt’s room, Puckerman’ as Puck trailed after Kurt to his room.

Puck said “Thanks, sir” over his shoulder automatically and it wasn’t till he got to the bottom of the stairs that it hit him that; not only did he now apparently have ‘we are a couple’ type spare clothes at Kurt’s house but that Mr Hummel knew about it and didn’t seem to mind.

The sheer what-the-hell?-ness of that and the fact that Puck was trying to quiet the itty-bitty part of his brain that was insisting in a hysterical voice that this was just Burt lulling him into a false sense of security so that he can later murder Puck in his sleep distracted him for long enough that he’d stripped off and gotten into the shower before he remembered the whole thing about what ‘cleaning up’ in Kurt’s on-suite actually really meant.

Having a completely naked Kurt press up against his back just after he turns the water on is an effective reminder though.

A really nice reminder as well. Because when Puck turns Kurt’s already wet from the spray; hair damping down and turning darker with water, a wicked little smile on his face as he presses up close to Puck and crowds him back up to the tile, rubbing against him deliberately as he reaches up to get the bottle of shower gel out of the caddy.

Puck groaned and grabbed for him, but only got a single teasing kiss before Kurt pulled away again to grab a sponge as well. Puck said “Hey!” with a pout but Kurt just scolded in a mocking way “Don’t ‘hey!’ me, mister. We’re here to get clean, remember?”

And Puck would point out that in that case they should get down and dirty first, ‘cos otherwise it’s wasted effort, but Kurt starts running the soaped up sponge over him and that’s nice enough that Puck does the sensible thing and shuts the fuck up.

It’s good – the slick drag of the sponge over his chest and hips and thighs, Kurt cupping water in his other hand to pour over him and wash the suds off, his fingers lingering and chasing the run-off down Puck’s body. And then Kurt drops the sponge and slowly sinks to his knees, trailing his hands down Puck’s sides as he goes and looking up with a smirk that Puck swears his boyfriend stole from him once he’s kneeling down with his mouth hovering there in front of Puck’s very interested dick.

Kurt very deliberately wraps his hand round it and leans in to give the flushed, purple head a long, slow lick. Then Puck moans when Kurt sits back on his heels and licks his lips, a considering look on his face. The noise gets him that damn smirk again and Kurt says mock-soothingly 'Just checking that all the soap’s been washed off' but then – thank god – he stops teasing and leans forward again, sucks Puck’s cock back into his mouth, curls his tongue and runs it up and down the shaft as he moves his mouth back and forth, jerking Puck with one hand as well, squeezing nice and firm as he lets his teeth scrape just the tiniest right amount.

Puck arms are trembling now from pushing them so hard against the walls of the shower, using that as a way of keeping himself from grabbing hold of Kurt’s head and just fucking his face - partly because it’d be rude and inconsiderate and mainly because he knows Kurt would pitch an absolute bitch fit if he did and stop.

And, oh fuuuck, Puck doesn’t want him to stop. Doesn’t want that mouth, tongue, lips leaving him, doesn’t want those hands off him – and when one of those hands trail down back behind his balls Puck’s breath hitches and he just widens his legs a bit and lets Kurt trace his wet fingers around his hole. And then Kurt presses in. Just one finger, just in a tiny bit as he lets Puck’s cock slip deeper into his mouth, out again and then in a bit more; working it in slow as he works on Puck’s cock and then just as slowly adds another and twists that in as well.

And it feels weird and a little strange and Puck can’t help clenching down a bit, which doesn’t make it feel any more normal but does make it feel hotter – like his asshole’s connected to his dick and the mirroring strokes of Kurt’s mouth and fingers are looping around each other and working him up higher; making his stomach jerk and his balls tighten up and then Kurt plunges his mouth all the way down and pushes his fingers all the way up and brushes up against something inside Puck that makes him throw his head back and whack it so hard on the tile he can almost blame the flashes of light behind his eyelids on that.

But he can’t blame it for the fact that his shout is nearly a scream, or the fact that he loses it so hard, so fast he doesn’t even have time to warn Kurt he’s coming, or the fact that once Kurt’s swallowed and pulled off and out of him, Puck’s legs kind of collapse and he ends up on his knees next to Kurt; the water beating down on both of them as he kisses and kisses Kurt, breathless and giddy, chasing the taste of himself into Kurt’s mouth and sucking on his tongue till he tastes like himself again.

He’d been right then.

That had been a LOT better with Kurt’s fingers up him.

* * *


It was… interesting. This new little tidbit that Puck now had about his sexual makeup. The one that now had apparently turned just the sight of Kurt’s long fingers into a turn on by themselves. It had him feeling a bit weird.

And he felt like an idiot for feeling weird about it, because – god! It wasn’t like Puck didn’t know that Kurt found fingers and other things (like Puck’s dick) up his ass pleasurable. It wasn’t like the dude had been faking it all these months, after all. Kurt was a good actor but he wasn’t that good! (Also, there was no way anyone ever had to fake it with Puck and he’s massively offended at his own brain for entertaining the idea even for a second)

He just… hadn’t expected to be so into it himself. That; while it was completely understandable that the sight of Kurt licking and sucking spilled drink off his fingers at lunch would get him so turned on that he had to go find himself a stall in a deserted bathroom to deal with the boner he now had, and that he would be imagining Kurt on his knees in front of him as he rubbed one out, the thing that brought him to a knee-weakening, eye-rolling, fucking stall-door-splattering finish wasn’t the thought of Kurt wrapping his lips around Puck’s dick like he’d just done with his slushie-covered fingers, but instead the thought of Kurt reaching up and slipping those saliva wet fingers into Puck’s ass again.



Apparently he had a thing.

And the thing that was really bothering him? Was the fact that he was bothered about it! The fact that his instinctual response had been ‘this shit’s too gay’.

Because son of a bitch; he’s been fucking Kurt for how long now? And holding his hand in the corridors and everyone at school fucking knows about it and so does his Ma and Kurt’s dad and all their friends and half the fucking town given that the reason he’d given to his pool-MILF’s for why he wouldn’t be providing the extras anymore was ‘I have a boyfriend now and he doesn’t share’?

He’s done everything but take an ad out in the local paper to drive home the fact that he likes dick now so why the fuck is he now panicking and feeling like he’s going to be – shit. He doesn’t know; less of a fucking man or something because he likes it up him?

Turns out he’s got more issues than he even knew about. Great. Because he didn’t have enough of those already, did he?

But the great thing – and the really great thing, not the sarcastic ‘great-full-fucking-stop’ thing – is that Puck knows Kurt’s going to help him deal with those issues. With the ‘got fucked up as a kid and dealt with it by fucking’ issues and with his ‘real men don’t like it in the ass’ issues. Particularly that last one. Kurt’s just going to blow that fucker out of the water – emphasis most definitely on the ‘blow’.

Because when he goes round to Kurt’s house that evening (and at some point Puck’s going to accept that Mr Hummel’s friendly nod when he opens the door to him and the casual ‘Kurt’s in his room – you know the way’ is actually genuine and not part of some diabolical plan that ends up with him buried in a piece of wasteland somewhere) it seems like it’s only twenty seconds after he hits the bottom of the stairs and says ‘hi!’ before his pants are off and he’s flat on his back in Kurt’s bed again.

Except this time; after they’ve got each other all hot and bothered with open-mouthed, sloppy, biting kisses and handsy groping, Kurt works his way with licks and kisses down Puck’s chest and he reaches his dick and he… kinda skips over it and instead leans his torso over the side of the bed to scrabble underneath it. Which kind of pissed Puck off because, what the fuck? Puckzilla jr wasn’t enough to hold his attention now?

But then Kurt pulled himself back up and he had… oh.

He had something in his hand. Something black and curved that looks, if you squint right, like a graffiti version of a man walking.

“Erm. What’s that?”

Puck tries to get all traces of apprehension out of his voice but he doesn’t think he succeeds. Kurt says matter of factly “It’s a vibrator. I want to try it out on you”

Oh-kaaay. Puck can… kinda cope with that. He says “I’ve, um. Only really seen one before ‘cos a couple of my – ah – pool clients had them. That looks a bit different”

He’s being diplomatic there. The two of the pool cougars that’d had them – or at least, the two who had let him know they had them – had owned ones that basically looked like plastic dicks. This one looks like a piece of pop art or something.

Kurt looks at the thing in his hand thoughtfully “Yes, well – they did have an extremely extensive selection to choose from but I picked this because it was one of the smallest and plainest one’s they had. I thought the huge black one was scarier than the last ‘Alien’ movie, frankly, and I didn’t think the glittery purple one set the right tone”

“Glittery purple?”

Kurt nodded “Yes. It lit up as well, and there was a bunny on the end.”

“What, in case the orgasm isn’t enough?” Puck asked in bemusement but Kurt just pursed his mouth a little and asked “Aren’t we getting a little off topic here?” so Puck dropped it, apart from forming a vague plan to get hold of one of the bunny ones to give to Brittany as a present (because she’d no doubt love it and it would annoy Santana and get the bitch back for going behind his back and talking about his sex life with Kurt).

And it turned out that no extra glittery bunnies were needed, because the vibe was an absolutely incredible thing and Puck wants to know why they don’t tell you about these things in fucking health class or something, or advertise them 24/7 on tv because strange looking or not, once Kurt turns it on and brushes it down over Puck’s cock and his balls and the low buzzing sound gets translated into sensation against him? Holy. Fucking. God. It’s fucking amazing!!

Kurt’s not sucking him this time – instead he’s broken out one of the tubes of lube from the year’s supply or whatever he’s got stashed now and is giving Puck a nice, slow, slick handjob with just the right amount of grip and that fantastic twisty move he always uses; the other hand running the vibe over the head of Puck’s cock and over his balls and down behind them as well. And Puck’s having to fist his hands in the damn sheets and he’s making low whining noises through his gritted teeth because it feels so goddamn fucking good that he’s about ten seconds away from busting his nut already which would just be so fucking embarrassing.

But then Kurt takes the vibe down lower between his legs and hunches over him to suck Puck’s bottom lip into his mouth and it’s an awkward angle and the head of Puck’s cock is rubbing against Kurt’s stomach now as well and then Kurt pushes the tip of the vibe inside him and the rest of it’s still resting and buzzing behind his ball sack and Kurt bites down on his lip at the same time and that’s it. All she wrote, fat lady singing, and Puck comes hard enough that some of it splatters on their faces.

He’s actually wheezing. And his dick’s still twitching and leaking like it wants another round even though Puck kinda thinks he’s not getting it up again this week after that.

But then he opens his eyes and sees Kurt – all flushed and wide eyed and as Puck watches he flicks out his tongue to catch a drop of spunk at the corner of his mouth and then fucking smirks at Puck when he sees him looking. And right, so that’s how he wants to play it? Puck grins dangerously at him and flips them both over suddenly so he’s back on top.

He grabs the vibe out of Kurt’s hand and smiles down at him, running his tongue over his teeth, and purrs in a low voice “Oh, baby. You’re gonna love this…”

* * *

Kurt had loved it, and the vibe definitely went onto Puck’s list of ‘toys we will play with again’.

If he didn’t think it would lead to a ‘wow. Awkward’ moment it would have gone onto his list of ‘toys to tell my friends about’ as well. (Though he had a suspicion Tina might like hearing about it. That girl was always a bit too interested in the details of his and Kurt’s sex life. It was almost like she was writing stories about them or something)

In fact, he’d been kinda hoping that Kurt could bring it round that night for a second go but when Puck caught Kurt by the lockers at lunch and said ‘Hey, babe – my Ma and sister are out tonight. Fancy bringing last night’s fucktoy round and being my fucktoy for a few hours?’ Kurt had disappointingly told him that not only would he not be bringing the vibe, but that he wouldn’t be round at all.

Puck had his arms wrapped round Kurt’s waist but from behind so he had to hook his chin over Kurt’s shoulder to give him the full power of his pouty lip sad face.

Kurt just rolled his eyes and carried on transferring stuff from his bag into his locker “Oh, don’t give me the kicked puppy look. I’ve got a plan, remember? And despite that immensely romantic suggestion I’m going to stick to it”

Puck said grumpily “And this plan means abandoning me for the night? What, you going on another shopping trip or something?”

“Nope!” said Kurt cheerily “I plan to be in my bedroom all evening”

“Then I’ll come round to yours”

“No you won’t”

Kurt sounded just as cheerful and Puck started to frown because, what the hell? Before he could say anything Kurt slapped his locker shut and then, tugging Puck’s arms free so he could turn round, pulled one last thing out of his shoulder bag and handed it to Puck with a grin, saying “What you’re going to be doing tonight is opening this and following the instructions inside”

Puck found himself holding a box wrapped with fancy paper. He shook it a little – not very heavy, nothing rattling around inside. Before he did anything else Kurt said very firmly “Don’t open it till eight o’clock tonight, Noah. There’s a reason for it. And” he added, fixing Puck with a stern look “I will know if you cheat on the time and open it before – you know I will – so don’t even try it”

So, because Kurt probably would know if he opened it beforehand, Puck managed to contain his curiosity till that evening. He’d planned on just slobbing around – watching some tv or playing some Xbox – but the knowledge that the box was there in his bag was like an itch in his mind, not letting him settle, and he ended up vacuuming the living room, cleaning the kitchen and running laundry just to distract himself.

Luckily, before he started doing something really whacked like cleaning out the gutters or doing his homework, it was coming up to eight and he could grab the box from his bag and take it upstairs. He had a feeling that even with his mom and Sara out, he’d want the privacy of his room for this.

It looked like he was wrong at first though. Because when, a whole five seconds after the clock ticked past eight, he ripped the paper off and took off the lid of the box it’d wrapped up all he found was another damn wrapped box. If this was a stupid single player version of pass the parcel or something he was going to be pissed…

But then he saw the wired ear bud tucked down the side of the inner box, and the piece of paper that said ‘READ ME NOW’. He opened it.

‘Thank you, Noah. I knew you’d be good and wait!

And good boys get a treat, so phone me on my mobile and then you can open the other box and have yours.

Use the hands-free set in the box. You’re going to want both hands for this.

Oh, and you’re going to want to get naked too.

Kurt xx’

Puck raised an eyebrow and started grinning at that, but it didn’t take more than a minute to pull off his shirt and shuck his jeans off (it was a commando day so no boxers) and he went bare foot in the house anyway so that was all it took to be fully naked. Then he popped the phone bud into his ear, plugged the jack into his phone and speed dialled ‘one’.

Kurt answered before the second ring finished and Puck didn’t even let him get a word out. “So, I’m sitting here in my birthday suit and I’m really hoping there’s something in this next box that isn’t a whole load of progressively smaller boxes ending in a note that says ‘Ha-ha!’. Can I open it now and find out?”

Kurt sounded amused “Don’t worry; there is something in it – though that’s a good idea for another time. And yes, you can open…”

Puck was already ripping the paper off. Inside he found another lidded box which made him give a mock growl down the line at Kurt, who just laughed at him, and then when he opened the lid there was a mound of dark red tissue paper and when he pawed that aside there was…

What the fuck was that? It kinda looked like a wonky blackjack crossed with a knuckle duster. There was a bottle of what turned out to be warming lube as well so the blackjack thing was obviously intended to be used for sex but…

“…Ok. I’ve got nothing. What the fuck is this thing and what am I meant to do with it?”

His mouth went a bit dry at Kurt’s answer. “That is a prostate stimulator, Noah. And I’m going to talk you through exactly what you’re going to do with it”

Get himself off while Kurt talks dirty to him on the other end of the phone? Well, go on then – twist his arm.

Puck shoved the box and packaging off the bed out of the way and settled down, saying “Ok then, Mr Instructor – talk to me. What do I do first?”

Kurt said briskly “Lay down on your back…”

“Already doing that” Puck interrupted “Is this warming shit any good? Have you used it?” He squinted at the packaging.


Whoa. He didn’t know what it was, but something about the very firm way Kurt said that went straight to Puck’s dick and made it want to sit up and beg. He thought maybe he’d stop talking now.

After a beat Kurt said “I want you to lay on your back and put a pillow under your hips” he paused while Puck did that, then continued “Now, you don’t need anything but the lube right now – you’re going to use fingers on yourself first, so get them slicked up.” Another pause and then Kurt said, very low “Are you hard now, Noah? Are you hard, thinking about fingering yourself while I talk to you?”

And dear god. Where the hell had Kurt pulled this ‘phone sexline operator’ voice from? And why the hell was he asking such stupid fucking questions because of course Puck was hard, with Kurt’s voice dripping into his ear like liquid, aural sex and two fingers ready to shove in his own ass!

But all he said in reply was “Yeah. I’m hard, Kurt” and if Kurt was in 1-800 mode for this call, Puck had apparently decided to go the Marilyn Monroe route because that came out in a ridiculously breathy voice. Puck would have facepalmed if he didn’t have a hand full of lube.

Kurt didn’t make fun of him for it though, and just said “Good. Use some of the lube on your cock as well, get it nice and wet and give it a couple of strokes. It’s good, that stuff, isn’t it? The way it warms up, gets nice and hot. Is it getting you hot, Noah?”

The only response Kurt got for that was a groan, because yes – the lube was getting hot and it was feeling very pleasant against his cock but it wasn’t as hot as listening to Kurt say that! Luckily he didn’t seem to expect any more as he carried on “Now let your legs fall apart, ok? Don’t stop stroking yourself but just reach down between your legs as well. Can you reach, Noah? Can you touch your hole for me?”

Puck could. It was a little bit of a stretch, and it was a good thing he had his hips tilted up on the pillow, but he could reach and he could touch. He told Kurt “Yeah…

(Still in that fucking breathy voice but the lube was warming up against his ass now as well, starting to send tingles through him, and Puck couldn’t spare the attention to give a fuck what he sounded like)

“You’re circling it already, aren’t you?” Kurt’s voice was getting a bit rougher now “Push your finger in, just one. Just push it in a little bit. It feels good, right? I bet it feels good, all tight and hot in there, feels good to push your finger in. Makes you want more”

And yes, god, yes – it did, so Puck let himself have more. Pushed a second finger in, all the way in one long stroke, the slight burn of it just adding to the warming sensation of the lube.

“Yes, that’s it. The second one, like that. Oh, Christ – I wish I could see you. I bet you look so fucking hot, Noah. So hot like that on your back, ass in the air, just aching for it. Are you still stroking yourself, Noah? Are you still fisting that big, gorgeous cock of yours? You imagining I’m there? That I’ve got my hands on you, my fingers inside you – my mouth on you?”

Christ. Fucking Jesus fucking Christ, he was now! And that was just so fucking good. That was so fucking hot. Shit, he could feel his balls drawing up. That was…


Kurt’s voice had that firm tone again and Puck obeyed automatically, even when his nuts screamed at him for it. He realised he was panting harshly and whimpering a little.

“Back down a little, Noah” Kurt’s voice was soothing again “Don’t move. Just let yourself calm down a bit so you’re not so close”

It was working. Puck’s heart slowly stopped pounding quite so hard and he didn’t think he was going to come if he made one more move now.

“You want to take your fingers out for me now, Noah?” No, actually – he didn’t. He liked them where they were. But Kurt was carrying on and his voice was back into that husky purr “You want to take them out and get your present lubed up? Try that out?”

That got Puck whipping his fingers out of his ass pretty damn quick. He fumbled next to him for the toy he’d forgotten about and slicked it up with slightly shaky hands, nearly dropping it after because it’s so slippery until it hits him that the bits that made it look like a knuckleduster were actually for his fingers and he thought to use them.

“You all set there, Noah? You got it all lubed and ready, resting up against your hole?” Kurt was sounding a bit breathy now – quick little excited breaths that just wound Puck up tighter hearing them.

“Push it in there for me, baby. Real slow and gentle. You doing that? Does it feel good?”

Puck was and …yes. It kinda did. Different from his fingers, smoother but a bit wider so that he had to wait for a moment to get used to it.

“You pushing it in there, Noah? You going to rock that on into yourself? Fuck yourself with it?”

He was. He was pushing it in and it was feeling fucking fantastic again and it was a really good thing that Kurt didn’t seem to expect any answers from him because all Puck could do at the moment was moan.

“You push it in there deep for me, Noah. Fuck yourself with it. Is it hitting you right? Are you pushing it right in so it’s hitting you right inside? Fuck, I bet you’re leaking, aren’t you, baby? I bet your legs are starting to tremble it feels so good. You’re still touching your cock, aren’t you? Oh shit, Noah – stroke your cock for me and fuck yourself. God, you must look so amazing, I wish I could see you. Christ but I want to see you. Want to see you fuck yourself and, and I want to suck you while you do. Want you to f-fuck yourself open for me, Noah – oh, oh – fuck yourself open so that I, I… I can ohfuck push my cock in you and –“

Puck didn’t hear how Kurt finished that, because the thought of that – of Kurt’s dick inside him instead of this bit of plastic – made him come; ass clenching around the toy and so fucking hard that his vision whited out for a moment. There’s a slight possibility he may have screamed.

When some of his brain cells started to come back online again he noticed that Kurt had stopped talking and was just breathing hard down the phone; panting like he’d been running sprints, so Puck thought he must have come too but he couldn’t remember it.

He was proved right when Kurt spoke again, his voice back to its usual higher tones, though he sounded a bit raspy like maybe he’d screamed too. “Jesus Christ…”

Puck started to chuckle, feeling a bit high from his orgasm “No, Noah Puckerman – though we are both Jewish. Easy mistake to make”

Kurt ignored him, saying in a shocked tone “Good god… I’ve actually got come in my hair now…”

That set Puck laughing properly, shaking with it as he jerked out “You, you have the strangest beauty rituals there, Princess!”

Then he cut off with a soft moan as the movement caused the toy to slip out of him, dragging over his prostate one last time. His ass felt kinda empty without it. He thought very briefly about cleaning up but decided a quick wipe with a t-shirt plucked off the floor would have to do because he’s too tired now to go shower. In fact, he thinks he needs to sleep soon and by the sound of the sudden yawn from the other end of the line, so does Kurt

He does need to make sure Kurt understands something before they call an end to the evening though. “We are definitely doing that again, ok?”

“God, yes!” and that note of fervour only usually appears in Kurt’s voice when he’s talking about Alexander McQueen so he must have enjoyed it.

“But” he adds firmly (‘But’? Where the hell was there a ‘but’ in what they just did? What the fuck could Kurt possibly be objecting to?) “Next time I’m either in the room with you or we’re setting up a webcam because it was bloody torture not being able to see what you looked like”

Oh. That sort of ‘but’ – the kind that just makes the whole idea even hotter.

Puck can agree to that.

(part 4)

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July 2011

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