The oddegg spn_bigbang maths lesson

[oddegg]

(N / 20,000 x 100) x GE - AOS = COS

Where:
N equals number of words written so far - expressed as a percentage (so 638 words out of 20,000 = 3.19%)
Times by general enthusiasm for writing anything (GE)
Minus all the other shit I've got going on (AOS)
Equals chance of success at finishing my draft in time for the May 1 deadline (COS).

In my case COS turns out to equal roughly the same chance that Elvis will be cloned and mate with Amy Winehouse, and that their toweringly coiffured, alcoholic, pill addicted spawn will be age accelerated in order to be old enough to sing at Jensen and Jared's Big Gay Wedding (officiated by the Pope himself) in 2010.

Alternatively summed up as SCIH or snowballs chance in hell.

I am, however, strangely at peace with this. It'll get finished some time and I've decided to adopt the Zen buddhist approach of not letting things bother me.
The Zen buddhist branch that deals with porn writing, obviously.

Comments

[the-funmonkey.livejournal.com]

I like science :D

[oddegg.livejournal.com]

Science is fun! :)
I may do bio-chemistry next and try that Elvis cloning thing...

[fredbassett]

That was an impressive rant, hon! Worthy of Charles Eppes, in a mathematical sense, I feel.

So which fic is it that's giving trouble? If it's for a deadline, I presume it's not the much-missed Shroedinger's Bat? And anyway, deadlines suck.

And in fact, as an LJ friend once told me that (whatever that is in this context) sucks diseased moose wang I've loved that phrase ever since!

[oddegg.livejournal.com]

Charlie is my role model! :)

None of my fics seem to be moving at the moment (including the reformation of Shroedinger's Bat) but the spn_bigbang one is meant to be ready in a first draft of 20kwrds for May! I've got it pretty much plotted out but the muse just ain't co-operating. I think I need the writing version of a laxitive!

And LOL! sucks diseased moose wang - I have to think of a way to use that in conversation now!

[fredbassett]

It's a satisfyingly awful phrase, isn't it? *grins*

My other favourite, which is nowhere near as descriptive, but I still like it, is to describe something as a bag of wank I get really disgusted looks when I use that one at work. Maybe I ought to introduce them to moose wang ..........

[oddegg.livejournal.com]

There was a phrase that I read on a blog that warrenellis.com linked to that I've been unable to get out of my head since:
I made you in my basement out of rhinoceros cunts. Yet, you are curiously dry

I can't imagine I will EVER get to use that one in conversation! (and I want to, damnit! I want to!)

[fredbassett]

Oh god, and now I want to use it too!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure I'll ever be free of the desire again. *worships lovely shiny phrase*

[telperion-15.livejournal.com]

I think we all need to join that Zen Buddhist branch, hon!

You need Fred and mine's little mantra - "fic is for fun, fic is for fun..." *g*

Although I'm very impressed by the mathematics!

[oddegg.livejournal.com]

The fic usually is fun! But the sodding things aren't moving along and the muse is off washing her hair or has started a job share with the muse of maths or something!
Ah well, I shall pray to the porn Buddha to grant me the courage to change the porn I can, the serenity to accept the porn I can't, and the wisdom to realise that, however good an idea it seemed when writing, that really shouldn't go in that orifice...

[jeyhawk.livejournal.com]

That's the zen buddhist branch I belong to. We like to call ourselves zen buddhist with less karma and more porn. So far I'm the only follower. :0P

I'm looking forward to the big gay wedding. Indeed I am.

[oddegg.livejournal.com]

I think I've just joined the Glasgow branch pet!
And Buddha would approve I feel - how else did he get that blissed out smile if not from jerking of to slash fics? ;)

Maybe the can get the Dalai Lama to come along to the wedding as well (if he's not too busy with Richard Gere and the hamster)

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

You should be a maths teacher. Maths is far more fun the way you do it.

And if this helps at all (or mostly just gives you a laugh) think of it this way - at least you (probably) didn't spend last night having a conversation with a very heterosexual married bloke about the mechanics of writing gay porn sex scenes!

Embarrased? We both were...

[byrons-brain.livejournal.com]

OMG MATHS ::hides behind sofa::

If you'd like me to have "words" with your muse or be of any inspiration whatsoever, let me know I'd be happy to help...