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Title: (for the very) First Time
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mention of past underage sexual encounters that could be triggery. Quite a bit of sex. And because it’s Puck nearly every other word is the ‘F’ one so there’s a LOT of swearing.
Pairing(s): Puck/Kurt, other background Gleek pairings, past Puck/many others.
Genre: Let’s call it ‘Drama’ shall we? Does that encompass angst, humour, smut and schmoop?
Word Count: 28,514
Disclaimer: I own nothing. (the walrus says he weeps for me, and deeply sympathises)
Summary: Puck’s still got a first time he can give Kurt. At least he can if a) Puck can get him to understand that, b) Puck doesn’t fuck up, and c) if the prissy little shit’ll stop treating Puck like a fucking girl and just take it.

Author Note: In the note to my oneshot ‘Like a Virgin’ I said I was going to do a proper Puckurt follow up. Well, it’s only… *checks watch* eight weeks later and here it is! (Just in time to get Jossed by Season 2! Yay!)

This story… Jesus. It just became ‘The Fic That Won’t End’ and got longer and longer because they were both being such stupid, uncommunicative boys and I just could *not* get them to hurry along to the part with the fucking. To be honest, I’m not sure what I think of the whole thing myself. It’s pretty much 15 pounds of angst and 10 pounds of smut mixed up in a 5 pound bag of crazy. Still, you know. ‘Enjoy’ and all that.

A tip of the hat to alicebluegown16 for the scene where Kurt sings ‘Talk Dirty To Me’ and for the Stephen Lynch song! And, what the hell, she was so flatteringly psyched about this when I told her about it, so this is dedicated to audreytiphaine , ok? Hope you like it, honey.

As a side note, I seem to be developing a platonic OTP with my Puck/Santana friendship.

( touch... )

Had a good discussion about 'Mad Men' with my feminist book (& other media) club tonight.

General agreement that it's hard to understand quite what the male/female dynamic was like back then - there's so many moments in the show where you just want to go 'WTF?' at people's attitudes. I've only watched the first two but am very keen to finish Series one. And then work my way through the rest!

It's so pleasant to watch a show that actually treats its audience as if they have, you know, brains and memories and the ability to see below the surface of actions and situations.

There was also general agreement that Joan is an impressive, magnificent goddess, though the group was split on whether they'd shag her or not. Some claimed that they'd be too scared and in awe. I fell into the 'but that's the attraction!' category :D

Most of us would do Don Draper as well.

* * *

So, I've done my usual and told someone in a comment chat that I'll totally be finishing that fic off this weekend! Yeah, they should look out for it!

Why do I have such an incredibly unrealistic mental view of my writing speed? Why do I say things like that when I know I've got... *looks at fic & does rough estimate* oooh, about 5,000 more words to write before this is done? 5,000 words of complete smut, which I know I find harder to write anyway?

And I've still got to do all the usual weekend stuff, and go to my bookgroup, and - oh yeah - I get distracted by writing about naked boys with snakes wrapped round them. :(

If anyone caught the last post before I edited it then... yeah.

Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

...would an American teenager use the phrase 'brick it'? As in 'was very afraid to the point of shitting yourself'?

I dunno, it seems like a very British turn of phrase to me.

(this, for anyone interested, is related to the fact that I'm trying to finish off a sequel to one of my Glee fics. Also relevant to this is the fact that my Firefox tabs at the moment are full of information about anal beads, vibrators, lube and gay sex positions.) (That's the only reason those one's are open, I swear...)

* * *

Also, note to the (presumed) students downstairs:

Either choose some songs that are more compatible with my taste or learn some fucking chords!

Because having to listen to you mangle your way through the music, while you're singing death metal!?! - ...yeah. 'Torture' is too mild a word, dudes.

...along with a horrible pun. Sorry - can never resist the puns.

Yeah, so - don't know if anyone on my flist is into Glee at all? If you are, I've done some stories for the

puckurt comm and one fill for the

glee_angst_meme that you might want to look at if you've nothing better to do. :)

(if you're not then fyi, Glee is light, silly tv about a high school singing club. It's ridiculous, it's nonsense, it's... addictive as hell. Run, damn-it! It's too late for me but you could still save yourself!)

I'll probably post these here properly at some point but I'm tired so I'll just link at the moment. Stories are:

The one where I break Kurt's arm, the rest of the club's heart's, and skirt dangerously close to melodrama - untitled fill for the angst meme

The one where I saw Puck's pool-cleaning/MILF seduction business described as 'one big cluster-fuck of statutory rape' and decided to muse on his psycho-sexual history. And Santana's, for some reason - Like a Virgin

The one where I had very little sleep and made everyone drag up because I wanted to see Puck in a dress - Drag Me To Your Level

The one where I kill someone, fuck up everyone else, and break everyone on

puckurt comm - Talk My Heart Away (and break me down)

For the last one the only excuse I can offer is that it had been a 'nice warm bath with a side order of razor blade' kind of a week and I'd subconsciously decided to take it out on someone. I'm now writing about buttsex and evil cats, so I'm not sure if my mental wellbeing has improved or declined...

Don't know if anyone is interested, but wordriot.org have a load of one off, limited time texts to download under their 'Published For A Day' day.

Novels, short story collections, poetry - they may be great, they may be shit, but for one day only they're yours to grab here!

* * *

Also, I went a little insane and signed up for

hc_bingo *worried grin*

Should anyone wish to join me in my madness there is a sign up post to get your card here.

* * *

And, for no reason at all, have a Stargate Atlantis rec! Rodney has a bad day.

It's silly and funny and always cheers me up when I read it :)

Just back from tonight's feminist book club meeting, for which we were reading 'Twilight'.

General consensus of the group? Stephanie Myers needs to die. (there may be some bias in my extrapolation of the discussion there, but not much)

Seriously - a more creepy, disturbing text I have never read. And badly written? Baring in mind that this thing has been through the hands of an editor! Christ, if this were posted up as a fan fic - even on the pit of voles - I think it would end up a cult classic to rival 'My Immortal' (and yes, I have been spending a lot of time on tv tropes recently. How could you tell?)

I think I've worked out why Bella is so clumsy and faints all the time though. I think that all the blood that should be used to power co-ordination has been diverted to the 'whiny, petulant bitch' part of her brain - a part that is so big that her DNA had to spontaneously invent TARDIS technology in order to fit the mass of it into her skull.

Am probably still going to read the rest of them and watch the films though. *facepalm* Integrity and taste = epic fail.

Edit - just started watching the 1st film and can I just say - girl who plays Rosalie? Whoever you are, you have a frickin' incredible ass. My compliments.

* * *

And speaking of the TARDIS, did anyone else notice the enormous amount of Ho-Yay between the Doctor and Vincent in last night's episode or was that just me? It wasn't Amy's hand that he was holding to the end! *slash goggles firmly in place*

* * *

And to continue the tv tropes theme - discovered yesterday that someone had referenced one of my fics on the Firefly Fetish Fuel page!
My life is now complete...

Inevitable Rambling Additional Note/Fic Commentary:

( Sad bastardness this-a-way! )

( Part 4 )

( Part 3 )

( Part 2 )

Title: Six Go Primal In Atlantis
Fandom: Primeval/Stargate Atlantis crossover
Pairings/Characters: Connor/Ryan, Lester/Lyle (OC) from Primeval, other pairings implied. Nick and Stephen from Primeval appear, and the usual SGA suspects also turn up.
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 - containing guys doing filthy things to each other; reference to RL tragic events; badly ~~cgi’d~~ described monsters; and sweary words. Lots of ‘em.
Summary: The latest anomaly takes the Primeval team to a place that isn’t recorded in any of the fossil records!
Word Count: This went a bit ‘Whoa momma!’ exponential on me. Just over 27,000 words.
Disclaimer: If you take sweet F all and multiply by 100 – that’s how much of this I own. But Ltn. Jon Lyle and other soldier OC's mentioned belong to

fredbassett
A/N: My Randomizer O’ Appreciation says that this one is for the lovely and amazing

telperion_15 ! A fellow SGA fan! :D

( part one )
(link to part two)

I said I’d my SGA/Primeval crossover on the weekend and am just giving it a final read through before I start fighting with LJ and it's refusal to recognise Microsoft's html coding *sigh*

As it’s a bank holiday here I’m going to claim this still counts as 'the weekend'.

In no way does its lateness have anything to do with me wasting time reading Fast & Furious porn yesterday *shifty eyes*

27,000 words. Plus 2,480 words of commentary *facepalm* (Just... shut up, ok. I can be a sad bastard if I want)

Yay! Despite momentary distraction from Eurovision I got this checked. Enjoy! :)

Title: Pretty in your Ribbons and Bows
Pairing: Connor/Danny
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Abby is evil, and Connor’s high heels are killing him. Danny makes it all better.
Word Count: 6,785
Disclaimer: Army OC’s belong to fredbassett. Hilde belongs to me, with a nod to Grant Morrison. Everything here is (sadly) merely a product of my fevered imagination.
Notes: I started this ages ago in response to one of the prompts on the meme here. Yes, my own prompt. I know, I know… ('The internets! Yr doin it rong!' ...indeed) In conclusion, I shouldn't participate in the ARC chat because you lot are a corrupting influence *cries of 'you hypocritical bitch!' will be serenely ignored*

Credit for me finishing the damn thing goes to halftime1030 , whose nice comments prompted me to get off my arse and tackle my WIP pile!

I've used a couple of tiny bits of brazilian portuguese in this, quite possibly incorrectly but hey ho. And it appears that I am starting to ship Abby/Stringer *iz slightly bemused*

( Read more... )

So, I noticed that this week on Denial was a Nick-centered one and I had some thinky-thoughts and was stirred to write a few small, interconnected drabbles tonight as I waited for the band I'd gone to see to come on.

...a few small, Stephen-centered drabbles... (yeah, my muse took a sharp left turn - as usual). There is *some* Nick in there though.

( Click for some more (no porn I'm afraid) )

Just a test. Had it been a real post there would have been porn -

...like nipples being sucked and slowly, gently bitten

...like dicks being licked and swallowed down, right to the root

... like feeling the squeeze around your cock as they come - and following them over even though you're not ready

(Seriously. Ignore me. I'm just testing my phone app)

Posted via LjBeetle

Oh, Robert Downey Jr - is there nothing you can't do?

Because not only did you make me willing to watch Mr Madonna's version of 'This Ain't Your Muvver's Sherlock 'Olmes (an' it ain't Sir Arfur's either)', but you actually made me willing to picture Jude 'My God His Arms Are Hairy' Law in a sexual situation! Admittedly in sexual situation with yourself, Robert, doing filthy, filthy, humiliating things to him.
(with a side order of Mark Strong doing nasty, evil things to you both. hey, why not?)

Spent a good, ooh, must have been five minutes ruminating on whether old Guy could have made Holmes and Watson look anymore gay for each other and decided - only by having them fuck each other on screen.
In case you're in any doubt whatsoever, I would have been even more willing to watch it had he done this.

Have decided to preemptively succumb to temptation and am searching Archive of Our Own for Holmes/Watson (Hotson?) fic as I type.

* * *

Speaking of Archive of Our Own, now that it's a new shiny year I can reveal that my Yuletide fic was The Way It Crumbles, a Sky High fic for tagalongcookies, who was kind enough to say it was liked.

I myself was mind bogglingly fortunate enough to get two - yes TWO - quite brilliant Hurt Locker stories; Steady Rollin' Man by Devilc and Improvising by eglow23. Please go and read them because they are fantastic!

* * *

Have watched two episodes of Glee, purely because the tv was on and my eyes were open, and while I found it reasonably entertaining I probably won't end up watching it again.
But I still managed to come away shipping Kurt and Puck. *facepalm* Is there some operation - like a lobotomy - that cuts away the slashy, sick parts of your brain and leaves just the sane bits behind?

Mind you, if they cut away all the insane parts of MY brain I would, like Pooh, be left with very little to show afterwards.

Yuletide fic done and posted and done, done, DONE!! Limboing under the wire - yay! Now I can get back to persuading myself that I really, really don't want to re-read all my Lewis Carroll and write fic after seeing the 'Alice' miniseries. Repeat after me, self. You really, REALLY don't.

telperion_15 - I blame you for this. (I have bunnies now, woman! HET bunnies!! I haven't written any het longer than a drabble for about three years!!! This is totally your fault. And Andrew-Lee Potts' for being so ridiculously pretty)

‘Not Now, Bernard’ is a children’s book, published in 1980, by David McKee.

This… I don’t really know whether to call this fanfiction. I don’t really know whether I should even have posted this, to be honest.

You shouldn’t read children’s books and think of things like this.

* * *

Not Now

Not now.

They always tell him that. Not now. Even when he’s trying to tell them… When he’s trying to say…

They won’t let him say it.

There’s a monster. They don’t know it’s a monster. They don’t see it hiding there behind that other face.

He tries to tell them, to say what the monster’s doing to him, but they won’t listen.

Not now.

Always not now. Always something else; something that has to be done, something that can’t wait, something that's more important, and even when he bites and scratches and breaks and ruins his toys – they don’t see.

Don’t see the marks on him. The bites, the scratches. Don’t see that he’s breaking. That he’s ruined.

There’s a monster in the garden, outside, over there. His mother shuts him up and leaves him in the dark and he can still feel it out there. Can still see its teeth.

It’s going to eat me up, he tells his mother, his father.

Not now, they tell him.

The garden’s bright and clear and sunny. And the monster’s there, like always. The monster’s always watching for him. The monster always tells him that he can’t tell his mother, his father.
That they wouldn’t believe him. That he’d get in trouble.

He won’t get in trouble. Because they don’t listen. Because it’s always Not Now.

And now the monster’s eaten him up. Every bit.

Me and the baristas at the coffee shop I frequent on my way to work have what I like to think of as the perfect relationship: they look young and pretty and make me lovely, lovely caffeine drinks – I stand there half awake and gaze in a slightly unfocused way at the pretty while it’s making me my red-eye, heart-attack-in-a-cup and then drink the wonderful elixir they hand me.
(Though frankly, at that time in the morning I’d drink hemlock if it had caffeine in it. ‘Not a morning person’ is an understatement, believe me)

Today’s service was rather slower than usual but this did give me extra time to perve on the brand new pretty-pretties; 2 new guys who look faintly like the main cast of bbc’s Merlin and whom I promptly dubbed Colin and Bradley and took as a sign that God wants me to read more Merlin RPS.
(I have, reluctantly and with a heavy sigh, started on that already. After all, I don’t want to offend Him)

The ears on ‘Colin’ didn’t stick out enough and ‘Bradley’ looked like he was aiming for Zac Efron hair – not a good thing, btw – but they were nice ornaments to look at while trying not to fall asleep on my feet. I still prefer the girl who’s usually on shift though. She looks like a female version of DJ Qualls and wears little hipster style cats-eye glasses and is much more attractive than my inadequate description may make her sound, honest.
The other girls there are all raaather nice too – and it occurs to me as I write this that although usually I’d put myself around a Kinsey 1 or 2 for some reason in coffee shops my gay tendencies rear up and I slide further along like the scale’s been lubricated with foamed milk or something. Generally that only happens in the presence of pictures of Alison Hannigan.

Though by the by, while we’re talking Merlin and perving on girly bits, isn’t the girl that plays Morgana a bit pfwoaar? Nice breasts and everything of course but I saw a screencap of the scene where she’s sword fighting in her shift (don’t ask) and she had this little small swelling of tummy that was just… mmmmmm…… niiiiice! :D

* * *

Am now finishing and polishing up my Yuletide story. I was having severe problems with it until my muse elbowed the idea I was working on out of the way and cried ‘Hey! You don’t want to write it like that – you want to write it like this!’

This being a completely different idea to my original and involving starting pretty much from scratch 2 days ago, but hey-ho. It also contains about 70% more shagging so that’s a plus. I’m trying to work out whether to put a certain bit in though because although I know my recipient is ok with the slash (ha! Good thing or they’d be buggered) I’m not sure how they feel about certain acts and Surprise!Rimming may not be enthusiastically welcomed.
Maybe I’ll add it to the ‘Five Things’ outtakes I’m writing.

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oddegg

July 2011

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Recent Entries

Fic: (for the very) First Time

Feminism (and Christina Hendrickson's massive... tracts of land)

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Fic: Six Go Primal In Atlantis - extras

Fic: Six Go Primal In Atlantis - 4/4

Fic: Six Go Primal In Atlantis - 3/4

Fic: Six Go Primal In Atlantis - 2/4

Fic: Six Go Primal In Atlantis - 1/4

The pre-posting excuse...

Fic: Pretty in your Ribbons and Bows

This is not the porn you are looking for...

This is a test

"Nut 'im!"

Thank christ...

Fic - Not Now

In which my rambling is in no way an avoidance technique