A virus with shoes

Title: (for the very) First Time
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mention of past underage sexual encounters that could be triggery. Quite a bit of sex. And because it’s Puck nearly every other word is the ‘F’ one so there’s a LOT of swearing.
Pairing(s): Puck/Kurt, other background Gleek pairings, past Puck/many others.
Genre: Let’s call it ‘Drama’ shall we? Does that encompass angst, humour, smut and schmoop?
Word Count: 28,514
Disclaimer: I own nothing. (the walrus says he weeps for me, and deeply sympathises) 
Summary: Puck’s still got a first time he can give Kurt. At least he can if a) Puck can get him to understand that, b) Puck doesn’t fuck up, and c) if the prissy little shit’ll stop treating Puck like a fucking girl and just take it.

Author Note: In the note to my oneshot ‘Like a Virgin’ I said I was going to do a proper Puckurt follow up. Well, it’s only… *checks watch* eight weeks later and here it is! (Just in time to get Jossed by Season 2! Yay!)

This story… Jesus. It just became ‘The Fic That Won’t End’ and got longer and longer because they were both being such stupid, uncommunicative boys and I just could *not* get them to hurry along to the part with the fucking. To be honest, I’m not sure what I think of the whole thing myself. It’s pretty much 15 pounds of angst and 10 pounds of smut mixed up in a 5 pound bag of crazy. Still, you know. ‘Enjoy’ and all that.

A tip of the hat to alicebluegown16  for the scene where Kurt sings ‘Talk Dirty To Me’ and for the Stephen Lynch song! And, what the hell, she was so flatteringly psyched about this when I told her about it, so this is dedicated to audreytiphaine , ok? Hope you like it, honey.

As a side note, I seem to be developing a platonic OTP with my Puck/Santana friendship.

( touch... )

If anyone caught the last post before I edited it then... yeah.

Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

 ...along with a horrible pun. Sorry - can never resist the puns.

Yeah, so - don't know if anyone on my flist is into Glee at all? If you are, I've done some stories for the puckurt  comm and one fill for the glee_angst_meme  that you might want to look at if you've nothing better to do. :)

(if you're not then fyi, Glee is light, silly tv about a high school singing club. It's ridiculous, it's nonsense, it's... addictive as hell. Run, damn-it! It's too late for me but you could still save yourself!)

I'll probably post these here properly at some point but I'm tired so I'll just link at the moment. Stories are:

The one where I break Kurt's arm, the rest of the club's heart's, and skirt dangerously close to melodrama - untitled fill for the angst meme

The one where I saw Puck's pool-cleaning/MILF seduction business described as 'one big cluster-fuck of statutory rape' and decided to muse on his psycho-sexual history. And Santana's, for some reason - Like a Virgin

The one where I had very little sleep and made everyone drag up because I wanted to see Puck in a dress - Drag Me To Your Level

The one where I kill someone, fuck up everyone else, and break everyone on puckurt  comm - Talk My Heart Away (and break me down) 

For the last one the only excuse I can offer is that it had been a 'nice warm bath with a side order of razor blade' kind of a week and I'd subconsciously decided to take it out on someone. I'm now writing about buttsex and evil cats, so I'm not sure if my mental wellbeing has improved or declined...

Just back from tonight's feminist book club meeting, for which we were reading 'Twilight'.

General consensus of the group? Stephanie Myers needs to die. (there may be some bias in my extrapolation of the discussion there, but not much)

Seriously - a more creepy, disturbing text I have never read. And badly written? Baring in mind that this thing has been through the hands of an editor! Christ, if this were posted up as a fan fic - even on the pit of voles - I think it would end up a cult classic to rival 'My Immortal' (and yes, I have been spending a lot of time on tv tropes recently. How could you tell?)

I think I've worked out why Bella is so clumsy and faints all the time though. I think that all the blood that should be used to power co-ordination has been diverted to the 'whiny, petulant bitch' part of her brain - a part that is so big that her DNA had to spontaneously invent TARDIS technology in order to fit the mass of it into her skull.

Am probably still going to read the rest of them and watch the films though. *facepalm* Integrity and taste = epic fail.

Edit - just started watching the 1st film and can I just say - girl who plays Rosalie? Whoever you are, you have a frickin' incredible ass. My compliments.

* * * 

And speaking of the TARDIS, did anyone else notice the enormous amount of Ho-Yay between the Doctor and Vincent in last night's episode or was that just me? It wasn't Amy's hand that he was holding to the end! *slash goggles firmly in place*

* * * 

And to continue the tv tropes theme - discovered yesterday that someone had referenced one of my fics on the Firefly Fetish Fuel page! 
My life is now complete...

 ( Part 2 )

I said I’d my SGA/Primeval crossover on the weekend and am just giving it a final read through before I start fighting with LJ and it's refusal to recognise Microsoft's html coding *sigh*

As it’s a bank holiday here I’m going to claim this still counts as 'the weekend'.

In no way does its lateness have anything to do with me wasting time reading Fast & Furious porn yesterday *shifty eyes*

27,000 words. Plus 2,480 words of commentary *facepalm* (Just... shut up, ok. I can be a sad bastard if I want)

So, I noticed that this week on Denial was a Nick-centered one and I had some thinky-thoughts and was stirred to write a few small, interconnected drabbles tonight as I waited for the band I'd gone to see to come on.

...a few small, Stephen-centered drabbles... (yeah, my muse took a sharp left turn - as usual). There is *some* Nick in there though.

( Click for some more (no porn I'm afraid) )

Oh, Robert Downey Jr - is there nothing you can't do?

Because not only did you make me willing to watch Mr Madonna's version of 'This Ain't Your Muvver's Sherlock 'Olmes (an' it ain't Sir Arfur's either)', but you actually made me willing to picture Jude 'My God His Arms Are Hairy' Law in a sexual situation! Admittedly in sexual situation with yourself, Robert, doing filthy, filthy, humiliating things to him.
(with a side order of Mark Strong doing nasty, evil things to you both. hey, why not?)

Spent a good, ooh, must have been five minutes ruminating on whether old Guy could have made Holmes and Watson look anymore gay for each other and decided - only by having them fuck each other on screen.
In case you're in any doubt whatsoever, I would have been even more willing to watch it had he done this.

Have decided to preemptively succumb to temptation and am searching Archive of Our Own for Holmes/Watson (Hotson?) fic as I type.

* * *

Speaking of Archive of Our Own, now that it's a new shiny year I can reveal that my Yuletide fic was The Way It Crumbles, a Sky High fic for tagalongcookies, who was kind enough to say it was liked.

I myself was mind bogglingly fortunate enough to get two - yes TWO - quite brilliant Hurt Locker stories; Steady Rollin' Man by Devilc and Improvising by eglow23. Please go and read them because they are fantastic!

* * *

Have watched two episodes of Glee, purely because the tv was on and my eyes were open, and while I found it reasonably entertaining I probably won't end up watching it again.
But I still managed to come away shipping Kurt and Puck. *facepalm* Is there some operation - like a lobotomy - that cuts away the slashy, sick parts of your brain and leaves just the sane bits behind?

Mind you, if they cut away all the insane parts of MY brain I would, like Pooh, be left with very little to show afterwards.